‘My mind told me I have this disease and I could die in a few months’- Irrfan Khan

Bollywood actor Irrfan Khan’s news of being diagnosed with cancer came as a sad shock for his fans and well wishers.

Last month, he announced that he is suffering from neuroendocrine cancer and even penned a letter about his battle with a rare form of the disease and shared his latest picture as well.

He wrote “It’s been quite some time now since I have been diagnosed with a high-grade neuroendocrine cancer. This new name in my vocabulary, I got to know, was rare, and due to fewer study cases, and less information comparatively, the unpredictability of the treatment was more. I was part of a trial-and-error game,” the Hindi Medium actor wrote.

Now the star, in an interview with The Associated Press, has opened up on how cancer has made him see life in a different light.

He said that he has started valuing his life more now and that there is nothing else that matters to him. When asked how is he doing now, Irrfan said, “I’ve seen life from a completely different angle. You sit down and you see the other side and that’s fascinating. I’m engaged on a journey.”

 

Irrfan has requested people to not believe any false reports about him and his health unless it comes from him. Speaking about what does he want people to know about what he is going through, Irrfan said, “There are challenges which life throws at you. But I have started believing in the way this condition has tested me, really, really tested me in all aspects — physical, emotional and spiritual. It has put me in a rapture state. Initially, I was shaken. I didn’t know. I was very, very vulnerable. But slowly, there is another way to look at things that are much more powerful and much more productive and much more healthy and I just want people to believe that nature is much more trustworthy and one must trust that. The problem with me initially was everyone was speculating on whether I would be out of this disease or not. Because it’s not in my hand. That’s nature that will do whatever it has to do. What is in my hand, I could take care of that. And it offers so much that you feel thankful. The way it is opening your windows to look at life. I would have never reached that state even if I had done meditation for 30 years, I wouldn’t have reached it. But this sudden jolt has put me into a platform where I could look at things in a completely different manner. And for that, I am really thankful. It sounds strange, but they should trust nature rather than feel sad, and trust that whatever the outcome, it will be for good and it will be for the best.”

When enquired about whether he is reading any scripts and what is his daily routine like, Irrfan replied, “No, I’m completely out of reading scripts. This has become a surreal experience. My days are unpredictable. I used to think my life would be like that, but I could never practice unpredictability and spontaneity. That has happened now. I don’t plan. I go for breakfast and then I don’t have a plan. I take things as they come. That has been really helping me a lot. I don’t make plans. I’m just spontaneous. And I’m loving this experience. There was something missing in my life. I was feeling a little manipulated by myself, by my own mind. There was a kind of disharmony in myself. It was bothering me. And I think this is what I was missing, this spontaneity. I know because we live in a world that is packed with plans, it sounds unrealistic. How could you live your life like that? But life is so mysterious and has so much to offer, we don’t really try things. And I’m trying and I’m loving it. I’m in a really fortunate state.”
When asked about his ongoing treatment, Irrfan said, “I have had the fourth cycle of chemo. And I have to have six cycles and then we need to have a scan. After the third cycle, the scan was positive. But we need to see after the sixth scan. And then we’ll see where it takes me. There’s no guarantee of life with anybody. My mind could always tell me to hang a kind of chip on your neck and say, “I have this disease and I could die in a few months or a year or two.” Or I could just avoid this conversation completely and live my life the way it offers me. And it offers so much. I admit I was walking around with blinders. I couldn’t see what it offered me.”
Irrfan admitted that he has gained clarity with this experience. He said, “clarity came like lightning. You stop your contemplation, you stop your planning, you stop the noise. You see the other aspect of it. It gives you so much. Life offers you so much. That’s why I feel like I have no other words but thanks. There are no other words, there’s no other demand, there’s no other prayer.”

We wish that the superstar recovers soon and is back to work and making movies in no time! InshaAllah

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